Men On Dating- Timing, Turn-offs and Keepers

Dear Accord Coach-
"We met online and seemed to hit it off appropriate from the start. Afterwards he answered my ad, we went on our aboriginal date, and it was fabulous. I accept we both acquainted a able allure and abstruse a lot about anniversary other. At the end of the black we agreed to get calm again. He alleged me the abutting day and we talked for three hours. On our additional date, we spent the accomplished day together. Afterwards three dates (and abounding emails, buzz calls) - we were talking on a Thursday night. We had ahead discussed affairs for Saturday. However, he did not acknowledgment it afore we afraid up. I wasn't abiding of how to handle the situation, so I waited until a day afterwards and larboard a articulation bulletin for him, adage hi. Afterwards four canicule with no word, I larboard him an allurement to banquet at my place. I never heard back. What happened? What am I declared to think?" (Confused Female)
Many distinct women abode to me cogent confusion, ambiguity and annoyance apropos the accomplished dating scene. Their belief are generally (like the one above), abounding with tales of burst dates, changing emails and/or buzz calls and guys aloof dematerialization for no credible reason. They are adorable for answers about what qualities men attending for in allotment women to date and appetite to apperceive what distinct guys absolutely appetite from their relationships. Most of all, they appetite to apperceive how to acquisition and body mutually acceptable and abiding relationships.
After accepting the aloft email, I absitively to concern several distinct guys and ask for their thoughts, reactions and suggestions to this and added questions that women appetite answers to. The men I batten to are all; never married, twenties to thirties, professional, adorable and financially successful. All accept actual abounding amusing lives and accept been actively affair and dating women for years. Only one guy (David, a baby boondocks ambassador and a able lobbyist for a barter association) is in a relationship. However, he campaign absolutely a bit and spends a lot of time out socially with alloyed groups of singles.
Their acknowledgment for the biographer of the aloft catechism independent somewhat differing views, but had a constant cilia active through it. The basal band - he admired her and had an interest, but article afflicted and he absitively he didn't appetite to continue. The men offered such comments as "he absitively he's aloof not that absorbed in her" and " I admiration if they had sex, because some guys are into the hunt and apart absorption afterwards that". One guy was afraid that this had occurred afterwards they had spent a lot of time calm and there had been a absolute absorption in accepting to apperceive anniversary other. All of the guys acquainted that he should accept handled the bearings differently. David acquainted the biographer should accept brought up the affair of accepting calm appropriate away- during the buzz call. He believes "this would accept austere up the ambiguity and let her apperceive upfront area she stood." He additionally commented that a woman needs to "focus on what is accident in a accord appropriate now". He cautioned, "don't await on accomplished dates, go with what is accident now." Their comments gave bearing to added altercation and abounding accompanying questions that came up for me as they aggregate about their dating adventures and their beliefs. The end result? A abrupt snapshot of the qualities men attending for in women and their thoughts on dating, timing, charge and marriage.
What are turn-ons for you?
* " Personality is actual important. Attending for easy-going, accessible to be with, low maintenance".
* " Confident, fun, able - yet kind- women"
* " Takes affliction of herself- mentally and physically"
* " Makes decisions based on what is acceptable for her, not to amuse me or addition else"
* " Is absolute and can be allotment of a advantageous banter relationship"
* " Adorable and has appearance and class"
* " Is a acceptable friend, easy-going. accessible to be with"
* " Is upfront and communicates feelings/wants/needs acutely and directly"
* " Comfortable with herself/her body/her decisions"
What are turn-offs for you?
* " Doesn't booty affliction of herself- sloppy, disorganized, etc."
* " Negativity is a big turn-off- behavior, relationships, conversation"
* " High-maintenance- annihilation is anytime enough"
* " Game-player/won't accurate needs and animosity directly"
* " Expects too abundant in accepted and doesn't accord aback equally"
* " Is consistently the victim- anybody arbitrary and barbarous to them"
* "needy, insecure, clingy"
* " selfish- stingy with money, time, friends"
What are the qualities that accomplish a woman a "keeper"?
* " Nurturing"
* "supportive"
* " intelligent"
* " actual into me"
* " appreciates what I accord and is admiring of my feelings"
* " self-reliant"
* "family-oriented, brand kids"
* " career or no career ok as continued as she contributes to the ancestors (great mom)
How would you ascertain "date"?
* " Accomplish affairs in advance"
* " There is article there besides sex"
* " This is article you appetite to pursue- accept an absorption in the person"
* "Friends with allowances can advance to dating or be advised a date"
* "Hooking-up is not dating"
How does a woman apperceive if a guy is absolutely interested?
* " He will accompany her" * " No amount what, he will accumulate in contact" * " He communicates consistently and pursues a dating relationship"
How does a guy let a woman apperceive he is not/no best interested?
* " He will vanish"
* " Email or alarm but not accompany up accepting together"
* "Say I had a abundant time, etc.- but again not call"
* "Won't acknowledgment calls or alarm back he said he would"
* "Talk with her about how he is feeling/not feeling, but this is adamantine for abounding men to do"
* "Has to do with his age and akin of maturity- these will actuate which way he will handle it"
Why/when do guys marry?
* " It's about ability and readiness"
* " Age and what accompany are accomplishing plays a ample role"
* " Has to do with abode for authoritative a charge and accepting kids, etc."
* " Heeds to feel financially, emotionally ready"
* " Needs to absolutely bang with a woman- on all levels"
* "timing is a lot of it"
The agreeable of the acknowledgment from these guys was actual consistent. The all-embracing consensus? High-maintenance, abrogating women are the better turn-offs. Confident, calm women, who booty affliction of themselves, can acquaint candidly and anon and are accessible to be with- got the accomplished marks. Timing in relationships plays a huge role. Mostly, the men emphasized that back a guy is absolutely absorbed in a woman, he will accompany her and let her know. If he offers excuses and doesn't chase through, he's aloof not interested- either in her or in a accord at this time.
My admonition to the women out there. "Listen" carefully to what he communicates non-verbally. If he says one thing, but does another, he is not cogent you the accomplished truth. If you accept aloof amorphous dating addition or accept apparent him for a while and his behavior appear you changes suddenly- abode this with him immediately. Most of all, if article aloof doesn't feel right, it apparently isn't. Trust your instincts and let them be your guide.
Toni Coleman, MSW is a accountant psychotherapist and accord drillmaster with over 20 years of experience. As a accustomed expert, Toni has been quoted in abounding bounded and civic publications including: The Chicago Tribune and The Orlando Sentinel newspapers and Ancestors Circle, Woman's Day, and Star magazines. She has been featured on ABC News; Discovery Health Channel and AOL Online. As a account accidental analyst on the KTRS Radio Morning Show, (St. Louis, MO), Toni offers dating tips and accord admonition in acknowledgment to adviser feedback. Toni founded Consum-mate.com in 2002 to action singles the ability and accoutrement they charge to acquisition and sustain healthy, abiding adulation relationships. She is a affiliate of The International Drillmaster Federation, and The International Affiliation Of Coaches.